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I was reading Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy by David D Burns. Well, looking through it, reading bits, and I came across something I found rather helpful.

It related to negative thoughts. And the thing was, instead of just untwisting the surface thoughts, digging deeper. Take the thought, and ask oneself something like "So what, what happens if that's true?". And then give your answer. And repeat till you've dug to the core. And then each of the levels can be untwisted.

And it seems to me untwisting from the bottom up works better. (And it could even be the book says that. Like I said, I was just reading bits.)

Here's my example.

I don't want him to see me because if he sees me, he'll judge me.

So what if he judges me?

Then he won't like me.

So what if he doesn't like me?

Then he won't love me.

So what if he doesn't love me?

And, I don't remember my exact wording on this last one when I did it this morning (I think it was just this morning). But it was something like I wouldn't exist, or I'd disappear.

Obvious twisted thinking. But in order to untwist it, I had to dig down to it and see it.

And once I deal with that deep level, it's easier to go back to the top and say "Hey, you know what, he's probably not going to pay much attention to me." To know that without dwelling on the "but I don't know that, maybe he will". Yeah, maybe he will. Not likely, but possible. But once I've dug down to why that possibility scared me, and untwisted the deeper levels, it's easier not to dwell on that small chance of being judged, easier not to turn that small chance into "he'll judge me".

This is a combination of my own thoughts and what was in the book. I wish I could find the pages in the book. But alas, I can't.

I could also untwist those middle levels. And actually look at the 10 forms of twisted thinking and say which ones fit. But right now I'd rather be getting to bed.

If he stopped loving me, I'd disappear.

I'm not sure this quite fits under any of the listed 10 forms of twisted thinking. But, then labeling it isn't important. Seeing that it's distorted is.

Rational response: My existance does not depend on him.

Actually, that relates to, not so much any thinking I'd as a whole disappear. More like, feeling that something within me, vital to me, would disappear. Maybe that Little Girl would disappaear. Though, really, the rational response is pretty much the same.

My existance does not depend on him, or on his love. Nor does the existance of any certain parts of my self. Where he has been an example for me, that example remains no matter what he thinks of me.

He is not God; he is not the ground of my being.


If he doesn't like me, he won't love me.

On these (this and the following), I really can't look at him and say what's true for him in particular. And it wouldn't be fair to him to talk about it here if I could. But then, that's not necessary. I can look at these thoughts and untwist them even without understanding him in particular.

Again, I can't really fit this into a label. But I know it's distorted.

Rational response: Like and love don't always go together. We can like people we don't love, and love people we don't like. If someone, at any particular time, doesn't like me, that doesn't mean they have or will stop loving me.


If he judges me, he won't like me.

Mindreading. Fortunetelling. Which are both Jumping to conclusions. Heck, maybe the previous one was too.

Rational response: I don't know that. I don't know how he'll think of me if he judges me. It might be negative, but it might be positive. And, heck, even if he judges negatively, that doesn't mean he won't like me. It's often not that simple.


If he sees me, he'll judge me.

I suppose there some mental filter going on. Focusing too much on something critical he said and making too much of it. Well, that's more the background to this statement that the statement itself.

Fortune telling.

Rational response: Yeah, if he sees me, he might have some thoughts about me. But he's not going to dwell on me. He's got a lot of other stuff to pay attention to besides me and probably won't be wasting much energy on me. And it's not a given that whatever thoughts he does have about me will be judgemental.