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 Post subject: Ah that mental filter
PostPosted: Thu Jan 03, 2008 5:41 pm 
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It caught me by surprise today! I had a completely BPD-like reaction. Sigh...

I was working out at the gym with my husband. We'd taken a two week break, so we're working back up to where we were. I was VERY tired today. I got through most of my exercises, but didn't want to do the last one. He says to me, "If you don't do all your exercises, you're not going to get the results you want."

What I heard? Nothing you do matters. You aren't doing everything you can. You're failing. I reacted. He was understandably confused. We didn't talk all the way home.

I realize now that I heard something he didn't say. I heard my mom telling me how un-perfect I am. He was just trying to motivate me.

Now, I don't know whether to apologize or let it go. I'm sure by the time I get home from work, he'll already be so passed this. While here I dwell, feeling like crap about it. LOL.

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PostPosted: Thu Jan 03, 2008 6:06 pm 
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Trinity, can you be honest with him and tell him that what he said reminded you of things your mom said to you a long time ago? You can apologize if you like, but tell him why you reacted the way you did. That would show him that it wasn't really him you were upset with.

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PostPosted: Thu Jan 03, 2008 6:41 pm 
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That's a good idea, BG. He'll certainly understand that. He's seen my mom in action.

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PostPosted: Thu Jan 03, 2008 10:06 pm 
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Yep, BG beat me to it. Share with him what you shared with us.

"You said X, I heard Y, I reacted like a freak. I know that now and I'm sorry it happened. I will work on catching it better next time. I'm telling you this because I want you to know that I realize you did nothing wrong at all, I was in the wrong and I see that now. I may not always be in the best frame of mind to hear certain things but I don't want you to be afraid to speak to me. I believe we can work through these trip-ups together pretty well."

I have a similar conversation with my own husband with some regularity. Less so now than in the past but it still happens.

And you know what? He has the same conversations with me about his own Y issues. Heh.

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PostPosted: Tue Jan 08, 2008 5:40 pm 
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Ash, I had the conversation with him and he understood. He reminded me that he is not my mom. I know that... most of the time! LOL. I'm kinda glad this happened. It helped me realize I'm still a bit sensitive to certain triggers. Awareness of the sensitivity will help me not to react as strongly in the future.

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