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 Post subject: I mess up everything
PostPosted: Mon Feb 18, 2008 10:05 am 
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I f*ckn feel like I mess everything up. I am so sad and in tears right now cause my exboyfriend is staying at his exwifes house. We have been text back and forth for weeks now cause he wants to be with me but at this time im not ready to be in a relationship with him. but anyway just sent him a text saying good morning and I got a reply what do you want and I asked him if was mad and he said no that she (his ex wife) saw that I was textn him. Now im sure they are fighting and I feel so bad and there is nothing I can do I cant call him or text him cause Im sure they are already fighting even though there not "together" as a couple. I just feel so stupid why did I text him i feel so stupid now I probley messed everything up he probley wont ever talk to me again. what an idiot i am


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PostPosted: Mon Feb 18, 2008 10:59 am 
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Slow down. Breathe!

You can only control your own actions. You have no control over what his ex wife says or does. It's her choice to pick a fight with him, not yours to make for her.

Do you see any of the Ten Forms of Twisted Thinking in your post?

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1. All-or-nothing thinking - You see things in black-or-white categories. If a situation falls short of perfect, you see it as a total failure.

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2. Overgeneralization - You see a single negative event, such as a romantic rejection or a career reversal, as a never-ending pattern of defeat by using words such as "always" or "never" when you think about it.

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3. Mental Filter - You pick out a single negative detail and dwell on it exclusively, so that your vision of reality becomes darkened, like the drop of ink that discolors a beaker of water.

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6. Magnification - You exaggerate the importance of your problems and shortcomings

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7. Emotional Reasoning - You assume that your negative emotions necessarily reflect the way things really are

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9. Labeling - Labeling is an extreme form of all-or-nothing thinking. Instead of saying "I made a mistake," you attach a negative label to yourself: "I'm a loser."

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10. Personalization and Blame - Personalization comes when you hold yourself personally responsible for an event that isn't entirely under your control.


It might help if you review and reflect on the Ten Ways to Untwist Your Thinking.

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 Post subject: ty
PostPosted: Mon Feb 18, 2008 4:37 pm 
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Yes I have reviewed them but im new to all this stuff the thinking skills etc. Its gonna take time for me to use them in every day issues. But it did not cause a fight after all I got all wound up for nothing. thats what happens to me a lot I am quick to think the neg in the situation right off. Then to think stupid thoughs and react in stupid ways to turn out to be an issue after all and then feel stupid after for thinking what I have thought or the way i over reacted in a situation.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Mar 06, 2008 5:49 pm 
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It's very much a snowball effect, I've found. I have the same problem you do, returningtolife, little things said by someone I love sets me off, either convinced everything's going to hell, or I get so irrationally angry.

But of course at the time the rage, the sadness, the hysteria and crying all *seems* perfectly logical. Then an hour, a day, a week later, looking back, I realize how stupid I was to overreact.

And while of course hindsight is good, the thing I struggle with is how to detect when I am going to react irrationally and pull myself up short. If I recognize a "breakdown" is coming on, I can usually back off the situation enough to settle down. But what I tend to fall into, and I don't know if you do or not, if I'll go a few days acting and feeling rational, and tell myself I'm all better. Because of course, I'd love to *think* I'm all better, just like that, and hey, I'm a rational, in control person.

So I let my guard down on watching how I react to situations, start assuming I'll react normally, and literally before I know it, I'm crying and screaming because someone didn't call me back, or I interpreted coldness or anger in an offhand statement about the weather or something.

So I've made a pact with myself, which I'm praying I'll keep, that I NEVER let my guard down. No matter how many days I go acting rationally, I'll still keep monitoring any sort of emotional response I have to something, and ask myself, is this response something I need to address before taking it at face value?

I don't know if any of this is any help, just my thoughts, since I recognized in your post the sort of situation I was finding myself constantly getting into.


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 Post subject: agree
PostPosted: Fri Mar 07, 2008 8:31 am 
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I so agree what u said. Its nice to hear from other people who are going through the same things that I am. I still am learning about bpd and seems some what confusing. I know that I over react to a lot of stuff and that leads to rage sometimes. I to have tried to watch myself to see the signs of anger. When I feel the anger coming on I try to get away from the situation till i can think rationally. And then try to get the situation taken care of peacefully.


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