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 Post subject: Wow, I really can't untwist this one.
PostPosted: Wed Mar 19, 2008 9:30 pm 
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OKay, so Josh told me tonight he is doing something I STRONGLY disapprove of. I guess I might as well explain it, since being cagey only ends up leading to misconceptions about what I'm talking about.

He has this weird idea that he wants to go a week without food. He claims it's to get away from reliance on comforts or something, anyways, I think he's nuts. It upsets me on a very deep profound level and him telling me this tonight made me have my first real, legitimate breakdown in a little over two weeks. I am pretty dismayed because all my techniques didn't work to stop this one, because I can't rationalize away how I feel about this one. Other things that would in the past have led me to hysterical fits I was able to talk down, by reasoning with myself about how it's really *not* that bad.

But it didn't work with this one. And I don't know *why*. I hate that he's doing this. I know it's his choice, his body, but I HATE it on such a startlingly base level of my psyche that I can't get away from focusing on it.


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 Post subject: Re: Wow, I really can't untwist this one.
PostPosted: Thu Mar 20, 2008 4:37 am 
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Hi, ShadowChaser ~

I wonder why your bf's notion to go a week without eating is so contrary for you...
Is he already slender and you worry it may be a sign of an ED? Have results of hearing about infamous political-type 'food strikes' (like those implemented by Ghandi and some prisoners in Abu Grhaib) had a negative impact on you? Could you maybe feel that it's a gesture of control he's going to try for himself that you would have trouble managing for yourself?

I've heard of people doing what Josh has said he wants to to detoxify their body, drinking only water spiked with lemon juice. Some folks say they really benefit from the effects and do it every couple months! Some have tried it and decided it's not for them.

Me...? I might try it just to see how I feel after several days - enough to get rid of whatever's in there anyway. But the fear of my blood sugar levels fluctuating [and therefore my emotions/mood] without benefit of using food to level them off keeps me from doing it... well, that and I like food. :halo

(I also wonder why a week - seven days - is chosen as the time frame...)

Talk out your reservations here, if you want, SC.

~ jr

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 Post subject: Re: Wow, I really can't untwist this one.
PostPosted: Thu Mar 20, 2008 8:20 am 
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Without food or without sustenance? Cuz a protein shake isn't necessarily food to some people but it has calories and vitamins and nutrients.

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He claims it's to get away from reliance on comforts or something, anyways, I think he's nuts. It upsets me on a very deep profound level

Is there any chance that you think he sees you as comforting and if he's turning his back on "all things comforting" that he's rejecting or abandoning you as a person?

Is there any chance that maybe your strong desire for comforts in your life has you freaking out at the thought of living without them - that you want to be with Josh but if he tries this and likes it & ultimately wants to whittle away comforts in his life, that he may expect you to do the same at some point - therefore it's more than just him going without food, but a "real" threat to your entire way of life?

I'm just pulling random things out of thin air here. Feel free to tell me I'm full of malarky!

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 Post subject: Re: Wow, I really can't untwist this one.
PostPosted: Thu Mar 20, 2008 10:11 pm 
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Those are actually very good perceptions on the situation. On thinking about it last night I started to have an inkling of what it might be, but reading it here I realize that's very likely what it is-

Food is my comfort thing. When I'm stressed or depressed, I eat. I calm myself down at times by promising myself after this is done, or resolved, or whatever, I'll get myself something really yummy. My weight and health suffer because of it. Food is my security blanket, not just a means of nourishment. It used to be much less so. I was just thinking today about how when I was like 13 or 14, during Lent I often would forgo snacks entirely, and think little of it.

For a couple years, up til last year or the year before, I tried to do it again and was unable to. After a few days or a week I would give in and find the sacrifice unbearable.

I am also glad to hear you thinking it is not an unbelievably unhealthy idea. I guess I didn't actually go to my friends and ask them, but I was raised by a family that believes if you miss a *meal* you're destroying your body. I just assumed everyone felt that not eating for days at a time was unthinkable.

I think it is to a degree what you said, too, Ash, about me fearing he will shed me too. I feel an irrational panic whenever he goes out with friends, too. And I know how irrational that is and am supportive of his friend-time, but I still feel the panic and I know it is because I fear he won't need me anymore, and if he doesn't need me, he won't want me, either.

In reality he already is quite adamant that he doesn't *need* me, but still wants me. But it's difficult for me to understand that.


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