My story's here:
viewtopic.php?f=18&t=12361&p=109708#p109708I think i'm still stuck in the victim loop, feeling that injustice has been done upon me, great injustice. Feeling that they, the normal people have not managed to embraced me, a person with mental health issues. Feeling that they, the normal people do not have the empathy and the understanding to embrace me.
So I change start with my intention is it?
I guess I'll have to change my intention from:
feeling that great injustice has been done to me
to
looking for the good will in them
Even this is difficult, as I did not get what I want, which was to be embraced by the community, especially after my absence for the Cambodia trip.
Just feel that they do not understand, they do not have the empathy towards a person with mental health issues, they do not understand that I have a need to be embraced by the community.
Intention: that their request for me to step down wasn't one of ill intent
recognize: they said they wanted me to get well, they probably were not lying, they probably meant
what they said
They also probably needed a safe boundary for themselves, as having me in their midst
means they have to learn to cope with me, I guess they just didn't know how to cope with
me.
own: the pain is mine - the pain of feeling excluded from the group, caused by the boundary set by the
group
my expectation that they should embrace a person with mental health issues, in which I was
disappointed
forgive: I need to forgive them for needing to set that boundary for themselves, for the 'safety' of the
group, I need to forgive them for not being able to overcome their own whatever fears / etc in
order to embrace me
self-examine: two mentors, TKC and KKH were on the receiving end of my bpd-insecurityness, perhaps
that's why KKH was the one who suggested to the entire exco that I step down as an exco
member
learn: learn to accept others' boundary for us, even though it hurts. Own up to my own pain and deal
with my own pain, like an adult
radical acceptance - accept that I am a person with bpd
- accept that the borderline behaviour I display DOES affect ppl and forces /
causes them to set boundaries with me for their own safety
take action: 1) accept that I have bpd
2) accept that the bpd / the illness in me causes pain to others
3) accept the fact that a boundary has been set by KKH and the exco
4) own my own pain and not let it affect my daily life
5) work on my borderline issues
this is so hard!