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I find it strange to keep finding new emotions and and need need to deal with each one for all this stuff from my past. Each time I work through one it seems (within a few days) there is another one I’ve never dealt with that jumps up. I started my first medication almost 4 weeks ago and it’s great but now that I can work through my emotions they just keep surprising me. I guess my question is does this sound moral? I can’t find a therapist that understands any of this so I’m working through this stuff with books and this site. Btw – the people at this site have helped me understand so much.

Citalopram: I started my first medication almost 4 weeks ago and it’s just amazing. My mind is so clear and this allows me to work on myself without the pounding of memories of other trash just jumping in my head. My focus and memory are by far the best I’ve ever experienced in my life. Even with these great results I still find I’m a little embarrassed for having to take a medication. I’m getting over it, but I just feel like I’m a weaker person for having to need a crutch to get through life. But this has allowed me to find, feel, and work through the emotions I referred to above.

This question should have read “I guess my question is does this sound Normal?”

Sounds 'normal' to me!

Would you feel the same way if you had to take blood pressure medication? Insulin for diabetes? Plaquenil for Lupus (my med!)? Antiviral for a flu? Prenatal vitamins?

My point is......it's not really a crutch in my mind. Meds are available for a reason. It's a means to an end. It doesn't mean you are not good enough on your own-- we are all faulty humans with all kinds of needs for medications. By you taking this med-- look at what good is coming from that! How does learning more about yourself and learning to deal/cope make you a 'weaker' person? I think it takes guts to hit this stuff head-on-- with or without the use of meds. I applaud you for doing what you are doing!

P.S. Psyche meds can be great, and there is nothing out there that says that you will have to take them forever. Sometimes the clarity and damn hard work you do while on the med paves the way for a better understanding of yourself. That doesn't go away once you really have it. Develop better coping skill while on the med and maybe one day, you won't need it anymore. Maybe you will, but at least you will have those learned skills.