I agree that while we all probably hit all of the stages, I don't think we all go through them in the same order. I also think that some of the stages are easier or harder, depending on the individual and the circumstances that cause the grieving in the first place. I'm trying to say that I believe these stages are good guidelines, but we are all unique (especially in our processing styles!).
Quote:
Maybe I needed these hard days to teach me to see clearly that it’s not what we feel but how we handle those feelings that makes the difference in our journey.
I LOVE this statement. So true....at least for me. One of my favorite saying is:
It's not what happens to us, it's what we continue to tell ourselves about the event that makes the difference. (or something like that!-- and I forgot who said it)
This part is concerning to me:
Quote:
I know it’s over, but I would still like to negotiate and fix things.
Isn't that just setting yourself up for more heart-ache? You state you 'know' it's over.......but if your still trying or wanting to 'negotiate and fix things'.......well, then your actions are not showing that you 'know' it's over. Just seems like a self-defeating way to look at it. Like setting yourself up to a goal that is totally unachievable, ya know?
Remember, you do not have to like what happened, how it happened, how you or the other party reacted, etc........but for me, in order to really Accept something, I do have to acknowledged to myself that it DID happen and there is nothing I can do about it now except learn from it. Learning from it and learning how to handle a similar situation differently in the future is how I "fix" a past situation!
You really are doing great with all of this, Anchorage. This stuff is really tough to get through-- especially if we have lingering feelings of what we would have liked to have done. Some people say time heals all wounds......I think there is some truth to that.