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 Post subject: acceptance vs approval
PostPosted: Mon Dec 14, 2009 10:53 am 
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i was reading the thread on acceptance and was thinking .i may accept something without approving it.example i accept that my puppy chewed up my best pair of shoes but i don't approve it


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 Post subject: Re: acceptance vs approval
PostPosted: Mon Dec 14, 2009 3:02 pm 
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Exactly right! Your shoes are simply chewed up. You don't have to like it, you don't have to think it's right, but it makes all kinds of sense to accept that it happened. jim

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 Post subject: Re: acceptance vs approval
PostPosted: Mon Dec 14, 2009 11:52 pm 
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I have to agree with some of acceptance vs. approval to a point.

Why do something that is difficult to accomplish and doesn't make sense when you're BPD?

Instead try this:

Let's us an anology that a glass of milk spills and you don't like it and it spikes a small part of anxiety. Then everything after that starts to accumulate anxiety because you don't favor it. One instance spikes more anxiety than the last instance and before you know it, you're "raging".

Anywhere in this process is difficult to use this excersise because once your aniety starts to spike, you're already in the destructive process snowball effect. Right?

Well, instead of "accepting and approving" why not recreate the experience with a new emotion other than anxiety? Replace the anxiety with peace that you have the peace to accept you have a glassf milk to drink, where other people in the world are starving and would do anything for a glass of milk.

The dog chewed your shoes. I'm sure that caused a point in anxiety spike even on the smallest level. Walk away, recreate the situation in your mind as if you're peaceful that you have a pair of shoes for the dog to chew on, where other people in the world have no shoes at all.

"Insanity is truly defined as doing the same things over and over again, expecting different results"

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 Post subject: Re: acceptance vs approval
PostPosted: Tue Dec 15, 2009 8:03 am 
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If I understand you right, Shelby, you are saying, basically, ignore reality and pretend reality is different. Pretend you still have the glass of milk, that it didn't spill. Pretend that you still have an intact pair of shoes, which the dog didn't chew.

Personally, I don't think that kind of denial of reality is healthy.

If you think I'm misunderstanding you, feel free to clarify.

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 Post subject: Re: acceptance vs approval
PostPosted: Tue Dec 15, 2009 9:05 am 
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EllenKMR wrote:
If I understand you right, Shelby, you are saying, basically, ignore reality and pretend reality is different. Pretend you still have the glass of milk, that it didn't spill. Pretend that you still have an intact pair of shoes, which the dog didn't chew.

Personally, I don't think that kind of denial of reality is healthy.

If you think I'm misunderstanding you, feel free to clarify.



Whoah, where did you get this at? I never said anything about ignoring reality. I said about accepting your feelings first and replacing them with more positive ones. How did this miscommunication happen?

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 Post subject: Re: acceptance vs approval
PostPosted: Tue Dec 15, 2009 11:42 am 
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Shelbeth wrote:
Let's us an anology that a glass of milk spills and you don't like it and it spikes a small part of anxiety. Then everything after that starts to accumulate anxiety because you don't favor it. One instance spikes more anxiety than the last instance and before you know it, you're "raging".

Anywhere in this process is difficult to use this excersise because once your aniety starts to spike, you're already in the destructive process snowball effect. Right?

Well, instead of "accepting and approving" why not recreate the experience with a new emotion other than anxiety? Replace the anxiety with peace that you have the peace to accept you have a glassf milk to drink, where other people in the world are starving and would do anything for a glass of milk.


Looks like denying reality to me. You don't have a glass of milk anymore. That's reality.

And you don't have a usable pair of shoes anymore. You have a pair of shoes that's been ruined by the dog. To imagine one has a glass of milk, or a usable pair of shoes, is to deny reality. One had a the glass, and the shoes, but no longer does. One can pour another glass of milk, or buy new shoes, but that doesn't change the fact the the milk was spilt, and the shoes ruined. Imaging the glass is still there, and the shoes are still usable, as you seem to be suggesting, is denying reality.

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 Post subject: Re: acceptance vs approval
PostPosted: Tue Dec 15, 2009 11:44 am 
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P.S. In my above quote, I quoted your previous post, and bolded where you seem to suggest denying reality, and then gave my thoughts why I see it that way.

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 Post subject: Re: acceptance vs approval
PostPosted: Tue Dec 15, 2009 3:32 pm 
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This is where the BPD mind is so clouded though. You might not have that glass of milk, but you can always pour yourself another one.

You might not have those pair of shoes, but you can always buy another pair.

Just recreating the situation and replacing the "end all be all" reaction with appreciating that you have a lot more than someone else will never have is my point I was tryig to make.

This is one of the many concepts I grasped into curing myself from BPD.

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People have it all wrong about me. They think that if they worship me now, that will guarantee they get into heaven. This could be further from the truth. Enjoy the many gifts I have given you to enjoy now and worry about worshiping me when we meet.

Love Always and Forever,
God


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