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 Post subject: I did well today
PostPosted: Mon Mar 08, 2010 9:21 pm 
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I did well today. I just got back from hanging out with my ex. I said what I needed to say. And yes, even though there is a part of me that is still sad, I'm not as devastated as I thought I would be. I do believe Chris loves me as much as he is capable of. It's just that the reality is he doesn't seem capable of having a healthy, intimate relationship. I'm finally realizing that it truly is his baggage.

He kept saying how he just can't believe his decision making in the last year. But, the rub is that although he doesn't want to let me go, he also doesn't want to date me or anyone at the moment according to him.

He cried again. It does make me sad still but I also feel strong. Because I said what I needed to say. It is too hard for me to try to be friends with him right now. It is still too painful. I asked him to not contact me. I also said that I really do want to be friends with him, but it is just not possible for me to do that right now. I'm still too hurt and angry. My fondest hope is that eventually he can be in my life as my friend and that I can be okay with that. Maybe in another year I can truly be friends with him.

It was emotionally difficult, but along with the sadness is acceptance. And, I'm okay with that.

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"I can lose my hard-earned freedom if my fear defines my world. I declare my independence from the critics and the stones. I declare my revolution, I can learn to stand alone."


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 Post subject: Re: I did well today
PostPosted: Wed Mar 10, 2010 12:08 pm 
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Good for you, pip! I'm proud of you for sticking to your plan and not being derailed by Chris' tears. Your belief that it would be too difficult to be friends right at this moment is totally reasonable, and it was very wise to ask him not to contact you. Yet your openness to possibly relaxing the no-contact and letting him have a limited (i.e. friend) relationship with you in the future is good too -- that may never happen, but I think we need to have a little softness and room to bend a little instead of always refusing to re-open doors we have shut.

So... sadness, yes, but also self-awareness, and ever-increasing self-confidence.

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I made some studies, and reality is the leading cause of stress amongst those in touch with it.
I can take it in small doses, but as a lifestyle I found it too confining. -- Jane Wagner


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 Post subject: Re: I did well today
PostPosted: Wed Mar 10, 2010 1:19 pm 
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Ditto, ditto, ditto ^^^^^^

Wow, when reading this Pip, I just think back to when you first began to post here. What a long way you have come! I hope that you can feel proud of that and boost your self-confidence/esteem too. I know from the outside (my view) it really looks like you have gained so much in terms of personal strength and learning who you are. I know it must have been difficult, but Wow, such great stuff in this post!

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Temet Nosce-- The Oracle
"Pain is resistance to change."
--Ida Rolf

BRING IT ON!! -- personal mantra


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 Post subject: Re: I did well today
PostPosted: Mon Mar 15, 2010 11:13 pm 
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Joined: Fri Mar 06, 2009 10:19 am
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As always, thanks for the words of encouragement. And, isn't it weird that when I most need them, the posts that help clarify my perspective, that help move me forward, towards my potential are the ones I read when I most need them. It is always a battle, my friends ...I only hope this BB has been my salvation at times. Just when I'm scared that I've gone off track .... I come here and the positive validation helps me to move forward - onto the next step - which is becoming who I was born to be, a person who realizes herpotential and glorifies in it.

Thank you all, again - for listening and for helping me stay on track.

_________________
"I can lose my hard-earned freedom if my fear defines my world. I declare my independence from the critics and the stones. I declare my revolution, I can learn to stand alone."


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 Post subject: Re: I did well today
PostPosted: Mon Mar 15, 2010 11:15 pm 
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Edit:

I only hope my words and my struggles help others at times. God knows, this BB has been my salvation at times.

_________________
"I can lose my hard-earned freedom if my fear defines my world. I declare my independence from the critics and the stones. I declare my revolution, I can learn to stand alone."


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