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Hey Lireal, how is it going? Are you still interested in motivating each other throughout the graduate/PHD situation?

Have you had a chance to make progress on that goal, and if so, how did it go?

As for me, I"m trying to untangle the scholarship jungle process and anxiously awaiting to hear if I've been accepted or not into the program.

Lemme know how it is going ...

smiles,

Hi Pip,

Thanks for the reminder! I read your other post and it's fabulous you've been accepted. Good luck with the scholarship process!

I finally started writing my research proposal yesterday and hope to finish it today. Things have been hectic with work and that makes me question whether I really will be able to do a PhD part time while working just about full time. I'm still working on ways to make it happen, but I've decided to apply to a second uni too, where funding to do it full time is available (though competition is stiff). The deadline for that is next week, which is motivating me to get on with it, even though I'm really tired.

Love,

Lirael

That's great Lireal! I'm so pleased for you! So, how did it work out with your deadline?

Hey Pip,

Well, after a lot of flipflopping around, I finally decided not to apply to the uni with the funding. When I was working on my application, I realised yet again that they just don't have the expertise I need. Everyone I've spoken to about PhDs has said finding the right supervisor is so important. So I will be doing my PhD part time (assuming I get accepted, that is!)

I sent a draft of my proposal to my old tutor / potential supervisor and got some really positive feedback. I've just revised it a little and sent it back and I'm completing the official online application. I also spoke to him about the possibility of getting some teaching work at the uni and that's looking likely too, which would be great.

So my goals for the next few months are:
1. Finish applying
2. Take steps to get the teaching work
3. Apply for the fees grant (they do have that available, it just wouldn't cover any living costs)
4. Pay off my debts as much as possible
5. Do my best to build up regular clients and find work that will fit in with the PhD

This PhD is so important to me, it's actually a huge motivation at the moment to be well and stay well, when life is pretty stressful and chaotic.

How are you doing with the scholarships? I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you.

Lirael

Hey Lireal - it sounds like you have really nailed down your objectives. And, god knows that seems to be the hardest part. lol.

I hear you about trying to maintain stability and recovery when life is stressful. I have to be honest - I'm feeling really overwhelmed with the next step of the grad school process. When I was studying for the GRE, it was stressful, but in a way it was easier because I had a book. All I had to do was follow the chapters (the rules so to speak) and I felt like it was managable.

Now, I'm a little lost. Although I'm so excited I got accepted, I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do next. I'm sure the financial aid people hate me as I've called them probably about six seven times now. But, there are so many different departments and they don't seem to communicate with each other. My big concern is figuring out how to pay for all this. And although I'm making baby steps, I'm scared that there is something that I'm going to miss because I don't know what the process is. I truly wish the school would just give me a handout that says step one, step two, step three, etc. lol.

I have created my CV, ordered my transcripts and did a draft of a cover letter for the teaching assistantship postion. And I have a scholarship app which is due the 31st of May, so I'm working on that. Other than that, I'm just keeping my fingers crossed and praying to God it all works out somehow. I'm sure that I am overanalyzing and stressing more than I need to be. But, that's where I'm at right now. Added to that is the insanity of work, training a new person who eventually will take over my place and trying to get my work load accomplished. I"m still working 50-55 hours a week and I'm pretty much just exhausted.

I stopped therapy in order to save money and pay off debts but I'm thinking I may need to reprioritize and go back to therapy, even though it is more than I can afford. But honestly, right now I just feel adrift and I'm so scared that I'm going to mess up. So, regardless of the money, I think I'm going to go back to therapy at least one or two more times just to touch base and regain some perspective.

Sorry this isn't more cheerful. I'm superpyched for you though, that you are making headway and working towards your goals.

Let's continue to motivate each other when we can. It helps me immensely as I hope it helps you as well.

It helps me a lot, so thank you (I'm glad it helps you too!) I've been finding it really hard to reach out lately. Then I feel alone, and then I beat myself up because I know it's all my own stupid fault. I'm trying really hard to break out of that cycle. I have to keep reminding myself that I can be a competent professional (or research student!) but still have doubts, insecurities and need support. It's not a paradox, it just feels like one because of the way I was brought up.

I'm not surprised you feel overwhelmed, especially with all the hours you're working. I get easily overwhelmed too in situations like that. I don't know if it'd work in your situation, but one thing that helps me is to draw up a flowchart so that I can see what I'm going to do next depending on the outcome of the current thing I'm doing, or the answers I get to my questions etc. Somehow that makes it all seem simpler and much more doable.

What's the worst thing that can happen if you do miss something? We all make mistakes, but most mistakes can be remedied sooner or later...

Re therapy, I'm guessing a couple of sessions to touch base could really help and wouldn't necessarily cost all that much? It's tricky, I'm in more debt than I'd planned because I had some sick leave from work last summer then went back to therapy. I'm glad I did though. Debt might delay the PhD slightly or make it trickier, but cracking up again would be worse.

Anyway, I sent in my application today! Now I'm preparing for a seminar I'm giving tomorrow, which is kinda the first step on the road to getting teaching work in that dept. I'm terrified but I'll get there.

Let me know how you get on. Oh, and please don't apologise for not being cheerful - no one can be cheerful all the time! Far better to be honest IMO.

Lirael

Hey Pip,

How's it all going?

I found out last week while I was on holiday that I've been accepted onto the PhD. And because it's part time, my "expected completion date" is September 2017. Yikes! I hope it doesn't take me seven years!

Next step is to apply for a bursary for the fees. I just have to write a covering letter and submit a CV for that, and then they'll also look at my PhD application itself. I think I'll be taking my netbook to my favourite coffee shop tomorrow.

Lirael