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This is new to me, but I am having the most intense agitated feelings right now about things I need to do tomorrow and my mother's "co-mothering" of our sons as I have been having a tough time lately with agitation, anger, outburts w/people, and she is constantly making me feel as if I am neglectful, which I know that I am not. I spend lots of uninterrupted time with our boys doing things like catching crawdads, letting them eat 2 snickers bars at the swimming pool just because, watching them do tricks off the diving board, etc. I give them my time and attention and my mother constantly points out small things that to her must feel like they will not turn out perfect if they don't get ALL of their summer school homework done, which i don't think they should have in the first place, but if I don't serve dinner at a set time, make them do homework, get the laundry done just so, etc. she tells me i am just not managing things well and feels she needs to continue to stay at our house. I think i need to tell her she needs to go home to my dad and rest of my siblings/grandchidren, even if i am not on 100 percent perfect ground with my moods. I am feeling stronger and my husband and I are a team and can manage our family. I'm realizing just how much there need to be stronger boundaries in place. I am not going to be made to feel lacking in any way and I am sick of it. I'm 40 years old for God's sake. Our sons are 11 and 9. I'm on the verge of a panic attack and have to get my mind to calm down. Boy do I hate this pattern, it feel so unbearable right now.....ahhhhhhh

hi
hugs to you
From what you shared, I do think that you know what to do, which is to put boundaries in place
Just to share with you what my psychiatrist told me during one of my therapy sessions. He said that NOW I should start relating to my parents as an ADULT; meaning that I still respect them, YET I have ALL THE RIGHTS to make my own decisions and ALL THE RIGHTS not to follow their orders. All I have to do is to tell them DIRECTLY and POLITELY.
Example: Mum, thanks for your help around here. I do appreciate your kind intentions. However, hubby and I would like to handle our boys on our own. We know and we are sure that we can handle our boys on our own. I'm very sure dad would love to have your presence with him
Just my two cents' worth