I ran across
this wonderful PDF file concerning the Four Agreements. (I am not at home right now and don't have access to my copy of the book but reading the PDF really sounds as if the text in there came straight from the book.)
Gossip doesn't always mean "the stuff we read in the Enquirer or other trashy tabloid rags." Gossip doesn't always mean "did you hear that Suzie's pregant from that one-night-stand she had at the bar last month?"
But thMerriam-Webster gives us:
* a person who habitually reveals personal or sensational facts about others
* rumor or report of an intimate nature
Many times, especially during the early stages of a recovery journey, a person will engage in gossip under the guise of "I need to share the truth in order to recover."
There is often an accompanying misunderstanding that, in order to honor the Agreement of Being Impeccable with One's Word, that facts must be overlooked to give the appearance another is blameless or golden. This is not the case.
We can share the truth so long as it is our truth to share. I can say "He was such an ass when he told me I looked fat in those jeans" which would be gossip because it's a "report of an intimate nature" - something that occurred between the two of us. Or I can say "I am trying to figure out how to handle insults without getting so emotional" which is about me and my truth. I've still managed to share that I had been insulted and I've shared that it upset me without dragging the other person into the discussion with this third party.
To share someone else's truth, we use their name and describe specific actions, words or deeds they committed.
To share our own truth, we leave names out of the story and we focus on the generic actions, words or deeds and the accompanying or resulting impact to us personally.
"He did this" or "She said that" is gossip, pure and simple.
"When faced with this, I feel that" is being impeccable with one's word and is NOT gossip.
We are definitely able to gain support, advice and insight from others without gossiping about a person.
So what about in therapy? It's one thing to avoid referring to a specific person or incident around the water cooler or during the morning coffee klatch but what about in therapy?
Don Miguel Ruiz does not necessarily address that as a concept, however, I would suspect that mere mortals would be sorely tempted to have a single place, one trusted source in which they could confide without such hyper-vigilance. That said, I think it would behoove the person (patient) - if possible - to maintain the impeccability. When we remove the extra-personal details (the gossip, the other person's name, the other person's specific actions) and focus solely on our own personal details (how we feel, what our natural reactions are to specific types of triggers or situations), I think we are then able to make much more meaningful strides in therapy and in our recovery work.
Why? Because by removing the extra-personal (from the extra parties not involved in the therapy session) and focusing solely on our own personal details, we are moving from micro (tiny details, individual items, specific components) to macro (big picture, the whole being, the entire Genuine Self.)
In the smart-alecky parlance, why would you want to pay for therapy to try to figure out someone else's reasons, motivations, thoughts or feelings?! I'd much rather devote my time and dollars to making myself into the best me I could possibly be. How about
you?