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 Post subject: Feeling out-of-touch.
PostPosted: Tue Sep 13, 2011 3:36 pm 
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Things have changed over the last two years. It took me a while to pin down the timeframe of those changes but it seems to have settled on the point in time when my role at work changed and became umpteen times more demanding. I have much less time to devote to fun things, like BPDR. (Yes, I consider BPDR to be fun.) Add to the mix that I completed my Bachelor's degree last December and just completed my first term in my Master's degree program. Being "on the clock" (hourly) really restricts the amount of non-structured time I can float through my work day. I am required to punch-out at a certain time and that means I need to get a certain amount of work done each day by a specific time. In the past, either the workload was lighter or more fluid, as were my days (when salaried.) Life was better then, I know it was.

I can't change those circumstances through wishing though.

I wish I was salaried. I wish I had more non-structured time in my work day. I wish my workload was different or lighter or the corporate mandates were different.

None of that will get me anywhere.

So if I set that aside and just focus on: I feel out-of-touch with BPDR. Well, I know the solution to that: invest more time into BPDR. Spend less time staring at the television on the weekend and spend more time talking with people here.

Then my whiny-self comes out and insists on mind-numbing television to wind-down from the high-pressure, high-stress workweek. My whiny-self also says "When my H is on his computer, I could be on mine to be at BPDR but then when would I watch all my 'crap tv' that he refuses to watch?" So I feel compelled to enjoy the solitude, quiet, alone time to do something selfishly just for me. ('Crap TV' in our house is stuff like: Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, Kate Plus 8 which just ended, Project Runway, etc.)

Then my whiny-self says that the desk I use for my desktop computer is the furthest thing from ergonomically appropriate. (I would get splitting tension headaches from spending 2 hrs doing school work at that desk.) So I start self-whining about "is it really worth giving up my crap tv which I enjoy to get a splitting headache from sitting at the desk where I could be contributing to BPDR?" Obviously the answer has been "no" lately.

I see the excuses I make and I know I have the ability to control them. I can counter-argue the points. I can make a better schedule to allow for both crap tv and BPDR because I really do enjoy both.

Making excuses isn't the answer. I know that.

I guess I'm just glad to acknowledge that I'm feeling needy (I want so many things, I want to engage in much more of the stuff I enjoy) and that wishing things to be different doesn't make them change.

I accept that my brain is stuck in a rut. I accept responsibility for the decision to continue in this rut or make new choices to try new, different things to get new, different (or old, familiar) things in my life.

It's all up to me. It's no one else's fault.

No more excuses. Just accept that I can't always get what I want. Just accept that I can only control what I can control. Just accept that things will change when I'm ready to make the changes and act on them.

This whole "having control over your actions" thing can really be a double-edged sword. I like having the control that I do but sometimes it's just easier to whine about having no control than it is to take that control and do something constructive with it. *sigh*

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 Post subject: Re: Feeling out-of-touch.
PostPosted: Tue Sep 13, 2011 9:51 pm 
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thanks for sharing, ash

hope to see you more at bpdr :)


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 Post subject: Re: Feeling out-of-touch.
PostPosted: Wed Sep 14, 2011 6:58 am 
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Ash,

I think you just want what everyone wants.....to find joy and happiness in life.
You've taken on an awful lot of responsibility with a demanding job and providing this site as a safe haven for people who come here. This board has kept me on track so many times when I thought things were completely unraveling for me.

I thank you very much for all you have done and are doing for people here.
Perhaps it's time, though, to think of yourself a little more now. Just do what you need to do for yourself.

dagwood

PS I love the Beverly Hills bunch as well. Interesting bunch of women....and men

Dagwood


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 Post subject: Re: Feeling out-of-touch.
PostPosted: Fri Sep 16, 2011 11:21 am 
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Amen, Ash...
I could have written something similar, except substitute work, marriage and kids as the things that I let eat up my time...I have to spend a certain amount of time working on those things and then I become very jealous guarding the "free" time I do have. And yes, I even want to spend it lounging on the couch watching "my" TV shows.
I could get up, go into the computer room and get online. But I don't.
I could take an hour on Saturday after the kids have their computer turns. But i don't.
I could spend some time on my lunch hour. Well, I've started trying a little of that.

If I want to have good supportive relationships out there in the world, then I need to put myself out there. I tend to get out what I put in.

It is easier to complain than it is to change! Of the two options, change is the one that truly brings lasting reward...So why do I cop out and whine instead?

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 Post subject: Re: Feeling out-of-touch.
PostPosted: Tue Sep 20, 2011 11:59 am 
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Thanks for sharing. I've been in a rut too and it's good to see a a reasonable healthy person think aloud. Did the Masters program thing myself...yikes. Ended up putting a gigantic dictionary under my computer and it helped relieve my eyestrain and neck pain. (Just trying to help)Garbage TV sure can be a stress reducer though. : )


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 Post subject: Re: Feeling out-of-touch.
PostPosted: Wed Sep 21, 2011 3:21 pm 
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As part of my effort to find a work/life/school/house/dogs balance, I'm back in just over a week.

I have all these great plans and ideas floating around inside my head and there just never seems to be enough time to get them all implemented. (That and not enough money but I digress.)

With the start of the new fall TV programs, it's almost as if there's now TOO MUCH new TV to be watched. Oh, the connundrums of modern life, eh?

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 Post subject: Re: Feeling out-of-touch.
PostPosted: Sat Sep 24, 2011 10:21 am 
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I think most of us can totally relate to your conundrum, if not always, then at least at certain times of our lives when we feel over-loaded and need mindless me-time to decompress.

I have no reason to complain about anything these days (not counting the current time recovering from surgery, which will take care of itself in a few weeks), as I'm not working. I have a class which requires 6-8 hours of preparation a week, normally I have about 10 hrs a week of volunteer stuff which I'll return to next month, and domestic chores which I can find almost any excuse not to do. So take any advice from me with a grain of salt (and probably a snort...).

I have a rather obsessive (as in OCD-like obsessive, where I feel a great deal of anxiety if I can't do it) need to be on the internet -- I need to know the news on at least an hourly basis, I need to check in on at least 3 or 4 newspapers or news outlets, I need to check e-mail and FB, and so forth. I live alone, haven't had great success at making real-life friends, and it's through my computer that I feel "connected" with other people and the world. I also like to watch TV, not so much during the day -- other than weekend sporting events -- but in the evening, when there's lots of stuff on that I like. My solution is my laptop -- I can sit on the sofa with my computer on my lap and see the TV screen straight in front of me. Mind you, I realize that this isn't high-brow multi-tasking of the sort I used to be able to do, but it's what I'm capable of now.

So... I know money is tight, but could you get a pretty inexpensive laptop? My son just got one for school that was about $400 -- not that that's cheap, but it's not an insurmountable amount to save up for. Then you could settle down in front of Real Housewives or whatever, and check some of your favorite spots (like BPDR!!) during commercials or boring spots.

BTW, congrats on finishing your Bachelor's!

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I can take it in small doses, but as a lifestyle I found it too confining. -- Jane Wagner


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 Post subject: Re: Feeling out-of-touch.
PostPosted: Sun Sep 25, 2011 5:49 pm 
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Yeah, I've got a netbook. I bought it from Costco a couple years ago and took it with us to Italy but I don't use it all that often. The screen settings are just a bit too weird - all the text is way too small for my liking and when I tell the browser to give me larger text, it messes up the formatting on the pages making it a giant garbled mess. Gah. Nevertheless, it's what I'm using right now - while I sit on the couch watching a rather odd British movie ("Wild Target") so perhaps I can get into the mode of dusting it off more regularly.

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 Post subject: Re: Feeling out-of-touch.
PostPosted: Sun Sep 25, 2011 5:54 pm 
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Okay, so I finally managed to figure out how to change the display settings (goofy Windows Vista, bargh!) and the text is better without disrupting the formatting too terribly much. This could work after all.

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 Post subject: Re: Feeling out-of-touch.
PostPosted: Mon Sep 26, 2011 12:00 pm 
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It's nice to at least have the option of sitting in front of the TV with a laptop, even if you still prefer to do a lot of what you need to do on a computer on your desktop. It makes the commercials go by faster if you're catching up on posts at BPDR! Another side benefit, as least for me, is that it helps me not get a headache or neck strain if I'm frequently changing my focus between the laptop screen and the TV -- if I'm staring in one direction (either close or farther) for an extended period of time, I seem to have problems.

Hope your notebook works for you, at least some of the time --

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I made some studies, and reality is the leading cause of stress amongst those in touch with it.
I can take it in small doses, but as a lifestyle I found it too confining. -- Jane Wagner


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