BPDRecovery.com: Forums

I did very well at the grocery store! I had some mild rib pain (broken ribs) and some mild anxiety but I've been home for 10 minutes and am already over the anxiety! Victory!

Wonderful!!

dagwood

Thank you!

Hey dagwood and Luna --

I'm sorry I haven't been here for a couple of days. It troubles me to say I've been "busy," because by any healthy person's standards, I haven't been busy at all, but I sometimes get preoccupied by the stuff that I do do and forget to check in here. Don't mean to abandon you, especially when you feel lonely!

All I can say to both of you is you're doing great! It really seems like you're handling your episodes of anxiety and so forth pretty well.

I've also been in the state where self-care has been a struggle. It comes and goes. Basically I shower every other day, sometimes another day goes by. I do try to brush my teeth at least once a day, mostly because I hate the feeling of fuzzy teeth but also because infected gums, which are often the result of poor oral care, can cause serious health problems beyond the mouth. But when it comes to household chores, I'm hopeless. Dishes pile up, laundry needs to be done, dusting and vacuuming are done only when the crud reaches critical mass.

I'm still working on all of it. One day at a time. Keep up the good work!

Hi Sari,

Thanks for your understanding. Self care was a huge issue for me and it feels good to be working on it.

I hope you're alright. I manage to do my dishes but have to pay a woman to come clean my apartment once a month because of the RA pain. It's good to see you!

((Sari)),

Thank you so much for your encouragement....always good to hear from you,
but sorry you've hit a rough patch. I know how the mundane stuff like dishes can really become such a bug-a-boo.

dagwood

I didn't brush my teeth last night. I completely forgot. It never even crossed my mind. Ah well, today's a new day. Back on the horse.

Luna,

Lots of new days.

dagwood

Huge lack of motivation today. I'm achieving my goals just because I wrote them down. All I want to do is curl up in bed and sleep. Having a wonderful Family Dinner Night brings me to the moon as long as we're together but I crash the moment I get dropped off at home. It's a stark reminder of everything I've lost and it makes me wonder why I should make any effort. I can't lose any more. It's all gone. Feeling sorry for myself today. Sunday's are so boring, too. There's nothing on TV. Sorry for wallowing in my self pity when if I really tried I could make a huge gratitude list.

Anyway, had my bath...about to scoop to the litter and will remember to brush my teeth tonight.

It's hard to make new habits, even when you know they're good for you. I was diagnosed with Type II diabetes last spring, and still struggle with remembering to check my blood sugar first thing in the morning. I've put stickies on the bathroom mirror but can still space it out. Maybe I'm subconsciously pretending I don't have diabetes, or maybe the part of my brain that I'm still at war with, that just doesn't give a shit about myself, is winning the battle. Who knows. But it's good when I do remember, and I'm not going to stop trying to make it a habit. There are other things as well -- hanging up my clothes when I take them off, or putting them in a laundry pile -- I just throw them over the side of the tub until the pile gets so big I can't stand it anymore. (Have a separate shower, so I don't have to move them to bathe.) Making a habit of dealing with my clothes nightly would be so easy, you'd think. Like washing my dinner dishes -- it takes ten minutes max if I have only one days worth, instead of a sinkful. Aargh. Why do we make our lives so difficult for ourselves? Never mind, I'll keep trying.

I'm glad I'm not the only one struggling. I have such a long way to go and it helps to know I'm not alone. Thanks, Sari!

I didn't brush my teeth again last night because I got wasted on vodka and orange juice and forgot again. I did scoop the litter today. I seem to be doing well with having baths and scooping the litter but falling short on brushing my teeth. I gotta write a note and put it on the bathroom mirror! Oral health is so important. My schizophrenic brother has lost all his teeth. I don't want that to be me.

I brushed my teeth last night but didn't have a bath today because of Rheumatoid Arthritis pain. I've been in bed most of the day because of the pain. The pain really affects my mental health. I'm very depressed today. I just want to give up.

Yep, I can certainly understand about pain influencing your mental health. I've been very fortunate in not having a lot of pain, but when I do, it does very much affect my mood. Trying to recover from mental health problems can only be compounded greatly by pain. do you take any meds for it?

dagwood

I take Naproxin for the pain but the stiffness remains. There was no way I could get in and out of the tub today. I'm so ready to just give up today. I've lost everything. All I know is pain.

Is that the only medication you're on?

If you can't manage the tub, just take a washcloth and do the best you can with pits and privates. Separate washcloth to wash your face. Don't go wild with the teeth if you can't, but give them a swirl with a brush and some paste twice a day. You don't want to end up with major decay and infected teeth and gums. Your body is enough under assault, and if money is an issue, dental problems can be as bad if not worse than a lot of other medical problems.

I have found that just washing my face can put a whole different spin on the day. If I do nothing else, getting out of bed, peeing, washing my face/doing something to my mouth to get rid of morning breath, and getting to the couch -- i.e. not getting back in bed -- is good. Even if I just sit and wonder, or watch mindless TV, it's better than sleeping the whole day away.

Don't give up!!

Thanks, Sari

I stayed up all morning but slept the afternoon away. I haven't scooped the cat litter. I'm about to brush my teeth and go to sleep. Tomorrow's a new day. I can only hope it will be better than today.

Luna

Hi Lunachick and Dagwood,

I hope you don't mind me joining in this thread, I was just browsing around and Lunachick's original post struck a chord. On the outside I am just about keeping it together, and it feels like it has been that way for quite a while. I only shower and brush my teeth when I know I have to leave the house e.g. for work / see friends. I don't eat breakfast, I often skip lunch, my appetite has vanished and I've lost 20lbs in the last 9 months. I live off junk / convenience food or just don't eat. I can't remember the last time I tidied my apartment for me as opposed to knowing I was having a visitor. I live alone and don't mind it too much because I can be what I need to be at any moment in time. The main downside is with so much time on my hands I am able to think and think and think and dwell on situations. Yesterday morning I was so caught up in thinking I accidentally ran a red light on the way to work cos I was not paying attention, I'm usually uber careful. I guess until I saw your post Lunachick I hadn't realised how bad things were getting, it's easy to let things slide and put them off for another day. It is good that you are setting goals and making progress.

Dagwood - you are an inspiration. I see how much you post and are there for others. I am happy that you can ask for help back when you need it also.

Thoughts to you both

((((((Sting))))))

I'm glad you joined this thread. I've been in that place you seem to be in now....eating very little, not cleaning etc. I know when people with bpd live alone it's easy to not take care of things as we would like. You need to eat better though, kiddo. You've lost a good bit of weight, and I assume you didn't need to lose it. I used to make big batches of food, and then I'd just nibble now and then. However, about two years ago I just stopped eating pretty much altogether, and my boyfriend was bringing me food every day or I probably would have starved to death eventually. I was doing nothing but staying in bed all day......this was probably the lowest point in my life. My bf got me to the dr who put me in the hospital, I got on some meds and a little therapy and here I am, ha,ha.

Sting, do you have any friends you can call to just talk to a bit, who will listen and understand.

Sting,

Thank you so much for your compliment. I've gotten so much help from people on this board over the years, and I feel good if I can give back.

Hey, I want you to watch out for those red lights! I've done that kind of thing myself many times....kind of a lost in space moment.

dagwood

Hi Sting81,

Thanks for your response. I'm in a bit of a funk right now and have let myself down when it comes to keeping those goals. I'll need to fight to get back on track. You and I sound very much alike. Only bathing and brushing our teeth if other people were going to be around.

Please take care of your health. As dagwood said, you probably didn't need to lose that 20lb's. I live off convenience food too. I can't find the motivation to cook for one.

I'm glad I set these goals but keeping to them is easier said than done....even though they're so simple and fundamental. Right now I'm letting myself down. I'll get back on the horse sometime....

Hi Lunachick,

Sorry to hear that. It probably doesn't do you much good thinking in terms of letting yourself down - that'll only make you feel worse (I hope I don't sound all preachy - that isn't intended at all, after all what do I know??!?).

I came across this quote somewhere (not sure where) “Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, "I will try again tomorrow.” - Mary Anne Radmacher.

What we're going through right now is hard. Some people will understand that, some people won't. I guess maybe teeth brushing and showering seem insignificant in comparison but it just occured to me now, that of all the things we can't yet control, these we can. Maybe when things start getting bad we could remind ourselves of the things we can do but haven't done and start the healing by looking after ourselves better. And remember there are good days and bad days but tomorrow is a new day.

One of my friends often reminds me to "be nice to yourself". I find it so much easier to be kind to other people than myself. The showered, tidying, teeth brushing is essentially for other people (or quite likely to keep a positive perception to the outside world). I hope these words help, I hope you (and I) will begin to start being kinder to oursleves.

Sting

Thanks for your wisdom and support. I just scooped the cat litter as it had become an assault on my nostrils! I love the quote.

I WILL get back up on that horse. There's always tomorrow....

That's great to hear!

One step at a time, create new habits and do what we can do.

I feel a little more motivated today. I just had a shower and brushed my teeth. Feel so much better. Not gonna lie though, the main motivation (not including how fuzzy my teeth were) is I have to go out in a bit. I'm gonna treat myself to a coffee (mainly because I have NO food in right now), pop in to work to get some stuff I need to work on and pick up some healthy groceries on the way home. I hope you feel some inspiration today and maybe find a thing or two you can do that make you feel good for you? (I know I'm not really in a situation to be advising, just trying to encourage, sometimes it is so much easier said than done!)

Best wishes, Sting

Good for you, Sting! Sounds like you have a good day planned!

I might wind up having a bath today. There's nothing on TV and only so much I can do on the computer before it gets boring! I have some energy toady so maybe I'll have that bath and go to Subway for lunch or dinner. A nice break from Pizza Pops!

Your post WAS very encouraging. Thank you!

Luna