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 Post subject: Re: My New Forum!
PostPosted: Tue May 01, 2012 7:07 am 
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I'm so glad, Luna!


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 Post subject: Re: My New Forum!
PostPosted: Tue May 01, 2012 3:35 pm 
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Wow, Luna! That is such a big step. It really opens the world up to you when you're feeling comfortable with it, and not afraid anymore!

I'm an introvert, personally... I enjoy a small crowd every once in a while, and like meeting new people a few at a time, but my desire to be around others really doesn't last for more than a few hours. I like having a companion, though. Just someone to be around, even if we are being quiet... so being an introvert doesn't necessarily mean not being lonely. :(


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 Post subject: Re: My New Forum!
PostPosted: Tue May 01, 2012 4:38 pm 
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Mask wrote:
I'm an introvert, personally... I enjoy a small crowd every once in a while, and like meeting new people a few at a time, but my desire to be around others really doesn't last for more than a few hours. I like having a companion, though. Just someone to be around, even if we are being quiet... so being an introvert doesn't necessarily mean not being lonely. :(


This describes me so well. I don't want big crowds. One or two people over for coffee is all I want and need. I need a certain amount of alone time which is why I told my brother, Brian, that I didn't want to get a townhouse with him and that we should have separate but close apartments. I also need just a couple of hours of time with one or two people to feel optimal each day.

I'm really surprised by my sudden comfort leaving the apartment. It's not something I made an effort for. It just happened. I have a post in "Season Passes" called, I'm Not "Daryl's Wife" Anymore. Since that fundamental change in thinking about myself, so much has just automatically changed for me. I can make my own decisions. I used to rely on Daryl to make them for me.

I called Daryl tonight and assertively told him what I wanted in a car and that I wanted it by the end of the month. It had very positive results. He sounded excited to go car shopping with me and was happy that I knew what I wanted and by when because it took the pressure off him to figure out. Since that post, Daryl and I are getting along better and I no long feel that stab of pain whenever I see him or hear his voice. We've morphed into "friends" and I like it. He feels the change, too. I can tell. I don't feel the guilt emanating off him anymore. He smiles and laughs with me easier.

I spent five months thinking about and attempting suicide over our divorce. That's so the past. Since this last suicide attempt, my outlook and life has taken on new meaning. Meaning it should have always have had. I can actually see myself taking courses at some point to qualify myself to work with handicapped kids. At the very least, I wish to volunteer with them. I could gush about how much better I'm doing forever!

It's all thanks to my two brothers and all of you here at BPDR for the understanding, support and caring. It made me feel worthy again.

((((((((((((((Mask))))))))))))))

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"I'm loved. I can't forget that or take it for granted. I'm going to be here and be taking advantage of every resource that I can find in Brampton. I WILL heal. The pain will subside. I have a future full of possibilities. I just have to fight tooth and nail to make it there."


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 Post subject: Re: My New Forum!
PostPosted: Wed May 02, 2012 8:34 am 
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Oh go On!! Gush!! ha,ha.....we can take it!


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 Post subject: Re: My New Forum!
PostPosted: Wed May 02, 2012 8:59 am 
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I'm back to being happy, positive and virtually pain free! The morphine makes it so it only hurts when I cough. I'll be able to walk to the pharmacy today instead of taking a cab! The sun isn't quite shining but it's trying to.

I had a great phone conversation with my nephew last night. His new son had three surgeries two days ago and is recovering wonderfully! He named his new son, Elijah, after my son! He's soooooo excited about my upcoming trip to Woodstock at the end of the month! So am I! I can finally meet his girlfriend and children!

My brother, Andy, has chosen a career path. He spent months confused about what to do with his fresh start in Halifax and now he's decided to be a Personal Care Worker. He has lots of experience after caring for our mother for the last 10 years of her life. He feels it will be gratifying work. I know he'll be great at it and that his clients will look forward to his visits. I wish everyone could know Andy. He's one of a kind.

I'm so excited about the prospect of getting my own car! I want a good used Toyota Corolla. I've only ever driven Toyota's so I feel safe and comfortable in them.

I have double vision today from the morphine. I think I'll spend much of the day napping with my adoring cats.

On my way back from the pharmacy, I'll pick up a pizza so I don't have to cook tonight.

I'm keeping myself busy playing Mafia Wars on facebook. I'll also have to clean the kitchen this afternoon.

I think I'm babbling because of the morphine! Over and out!

Luna

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"I'm loved. I can't forget that or take it for granted. I'm going to be here and be taking advantage of every resource that I can find in Brampton. I WILL heal. The pain will subside. I have a future full of possibilities. I just have to fight tooth and nail to make it there."


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 Post subject: Re: My New Forum!
PostPosted: Wed May 02, 2012 9:11 am 
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It's good to hear you "babbling"....You're happy, and that's most definitely a good thing. It will be wonderful to see your new relatives....babies are wonderful beings.

I'm with you on Toyotas....all I've ever had too.
Pizzas are always good IMO, ha,ha

dagwood


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 Post subject: Re: My New Forum!
PostPosted: Wed May 02, 2012 9:46 am 
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Babies are the best! So pure and innocent! So cuddly! I can't wait to meet them!

I just called the pharmacy to see if they would deliver my medication. They have to call my doctor to get permission to deliver morphine, so I'll find out later. I'm just a little tired from pills and lack of sleep. If they can't deliver, I'll go get it myself...no biggie.

It's so cool that you've only driven Toyota's, too! They really are good cars. I can't wait to be jet setting around town in my Corolla! The only thing I dread about going grocery shopping alone when I get my car is how heavy kitty litter is! Good thing I have a cart to roll it upstairs.

I hope my Case Worker calls today to make a new appointment. I really want to get started with doing things and getting out. If I don't hear from her before 2:00, I'll bring it up during my 2:00 care worker call. Those care workers are wonderful. I don't think I'll need the calls much longer, though. I'll have them stopped once I start going to the Clubhouse and Friends and Advocates and stuff.

I'm gonna heat up some soup for lunch! Mmmmmm!

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"I'm loved. I can't forget that or take it for granted. I'm going to be here and be taking advantage of every resource that I can find in Brampton. I WILL heal. The pain will subside. I have a future full of possibilities. I just have to fight tooth and nail to make it there."


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 Post subject: Re: My New Forum!
PostPosted: Wed May 02, 2012 10:21 am 
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Oh boy!!! the kitty litter.....that is the heaviest stuff, ha,ha.


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 Post subject: Re: My New Forum!
PostPosted: Wed May 02, 2012 10:35 am 
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(((Luna)))

I am so happy for you! I'm also jealous that you got pizza the other night. I have been craving it something fierce. Haha.


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 Post subject: Re: My New Forum!
PostPosted: Wed May 02, 2012 10:40 am 
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(((((Mask))))))

The place I go for pizza is this tiny, unknown hole in the wall that makes the BEST damn pizza I've EVER had! I wish you could come over tonight and have some pizza with me! We would have such a good time together! dagwood, too! Imagine the three of us sitting together, having pizza and great conversation! I'd love that!

Luna

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"I'm loved. I can't forget that or take it for granted. I'm going to be here and be taking advantage of every resource that I can find in Brampton. I WILL heal. The pain will subside. I have a future full of possibilities. I just have to fight tooth and nail to make it there."


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 Post subject: Re: My New Forum!
PostPosted: Wed May 02, 2012 10:43 am 
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((((((((((Luna, Mask))))))))))))))

Yeah, that would be great!


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 Post subject: Re: My New Forum!
PostPosted: Wed May 02, 2012 10:48 am 
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Wouldn't it be? I feel so comfortable with everyone here and like everyone here so much. It's a shame we can't get together and go to movies and out for coffee and stuff! I've found such great friends here!

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"I'm loved. I can't forget that or take it for granted. I'm going to be here and be taking advantage of every resource that I can find in Brampton. I WILL heal. The pain will subside. I have a future full of possibilities. I just have to fight tooth and nail to make it there."


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 Post subject: Re: My New Forum!
PostPosted: Wed May 02, 2012 10:56 am 
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Yep, it would

dagwood


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 Post subject: Re: My New Forum!
PostPosted: Wed May 02, 2012 12:10 pm 
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My Case Worker called and we're meeting on Tuesday at 10:30! That's not too far away. I can hardly wait!

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"I'm loved. I can't forget that or take it for granted. I'm going to be here and be taking advantage of every resource that I can find in Brampton. I WILL heal. The pain will subside. I have a future full of possibilities. I just have to fight tooth and nail to make it there."


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 Post subject: Re: My New Forum!
PostPosted: Wed May 16, 2012 10:02 pm 
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lunachick

it's been a while since you last posted here. So how did your meeting with the Case Worker go? And how have you been since 3rd May (your last post)?


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 Post subject: Re: My New Forum!
PostPosted: Sat May 19, 2012 10:43 am 
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Mere, I had to cancel my appointment with the Case Worker due to morphine withdrawal. I couldn't get away from the bathroom. Withdrawal was a nightmare. I'll never take morphine again. Pain is better.

When I get out of the hospital on Tuesday, I'm going to call about making another appointment. Hopefully I won't have to wait too long.

Thanks for asking about me! Luna

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"I'm loved. I can't forget that or take it for granted. I'm going to be here and be taking advantage of every resource that I can find in Brampton. I WILL heal. The pain will subside. I have a future full of possibilities. I just have to fight tooth and nail to make it there."


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 Post subject: Re: My New Forum!
PostPosted: Sat May 19, 2012 11:25 am 
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Feeling Good!

1- Took a nice long bath
2- Cleaned the filthy kitchen!
3- Dressed in a pretty new outfit!
4- My son and ex-husband are coming for pizza tonight!
5- I'm getting out of the hospital on Tuesday
6- Had a great sleep in my own bed last night
7- The sun is shining
8- I've had some to spend with my animals on my overnight pass
9- GOT THE CAR!
10- Made a new friend
11- Last but not least, I have all of YOU!

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"I'm loved. I can't forget that or take it for granted. I'm going to be here and be taking advantage of every resource that I can find in Brampton. I WILL heal. The pain will subside. I have a future full of possibilities. I just have to fight tooth and nail to make it there."


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 Post subject: Re: My New Forum!
PostPosted: Sat May 19, 2012 3:52 pm 
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Aw, yay! That's a great list, Luna. :) I especially like #11!


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 Post subject: Re: My New Forum!
PostPosted: Sun May 20, 2012 6:44 am 
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#11 is pretty cool! :)

I saw the doctor on call last night and I was doing so well, he discharged me! I feel great! It's so good to be home with my animals and computer and all my familiar surroundings!

Good things to come!

Luna

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"I'm loved. I can't forget that or take it for granted. I'm going to be here and be taking advantage of every resource that I can find in Brampton. I WILL heal. The pain will subside. I have a future full of possibilities. I just have to fight tooth and nail to make it there."


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 Post subject: Re: My New Forum!
PostPosted: Sun May 20, 2012 5:39 pm 
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happy for you especially about the car!


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 Post subject: Re: My New Forum!
PostPosted: Fri Jun 15, 2012 4:58 pm 
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Hi Everyone!

Been awhile since I've been here. I'm having terrible sleep problems for 6 weeks now. I go to bed at 9:00pm and I'm wide awake between !:00am-3:00am. I've been completely exhausted and had let myself and my apartment go.

Yesterday I'd had enough, though. Tired as I was, I got in the tub, cleaned the apartment top to bottom and did all my laundry. I feel really good about that. Today, I drove to the pharmacy for some things and stopped at Subway for a sub for lunch. Tomorrow, I plan to do a bit of clothes shopping and Sunday, I'm driving to a friend's place out of town for lunch and a nice visit.

I was prescribed Trazadone for sleep but it hasn't helped a bit. Tonight, I'm going to try the Trazadone and two Gravol and see if that helps any. The fatigue has got me a little down but I'm not having any suicidal thoughts or anything even near that. I just keeping on keeping on.

I hope all of you are well. I think about you much more than I write.

Luna xo

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"I'm loved. I can't forget that or take it for granted. I'm going to be here and be taking advantage of every resource that I can find in Brampton. I WILL heal. The pain will subside. I have a future full of possibilities. I just have to fight tooth and nail to make it there."


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 Post subject: Re: My New Forum!
PostPosted: Sat Jun 16, 2012 8:46 am 
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Luna,

I also take Tazadone for sleep, but have found that I need to wait as long as possible to take it or I will wake too early.

dagwood


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 Post subject: Re: My New Forum!
PostPosted: Sat Jun 16, 2012 5:04 pm 
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Luna,

For whatever it's worth, I was put on amitriptyline recently (for the prevention of migraines - it's been helping) and I'm finding that it does a fantastic job of knocking me out. It's also known as Elavil, Endep or Vanatrip and it's an anti-depressant that's been around for 30+ years.

The doc started me on 10 mg tablets for the first two weeks and told me to double-up for the next two weeks, at which point, we'd switch me to the 25 mg tablets. (The dose can go up to 150 mg per day.) And honestly, the 10 mg dose STILL knocks my ass out. Within 4 to 5 hours, I am out like a light. When I wake up anywhere from 6.5 to 8 hours later (depending on if there's an alarm clock involved or not), I feel fully rested. If I take it too late in the evening and have to get up for work in the morning, I can tell that there's a solid 12 hour effect. From the time I take it to the time I feel like I'm fully awake again is a good solid 12 hours.

To be fair, there have been a couple of times recently when I've woken up between 1am and 3am but they were completely physically-related. One night, I was sweating bullets because my husband had refused to let me turn on the fan, we sleep on a foam mattress (which gets hotter than a regular spring mattress) and he still had the down comforter on the bed. In JUNE. Duh. Another time, one of my outdoor solar pathway lights was poorly placed and ended up strobing into our bedroom. (Weird confluence of where I'd placed it so it would shine in along with a bright moon with the light beneath a leafy tree gently blowing in the breeze, alternately telling the sensor it was dark and bright outside.) Another time, well, let's just say a gastrointestinal issue. With the amitriptyline in my system, I was completely able to go back to sleep. Prior to the med, I would've been up for at least an hour or two.

Given that its primary purpose was initially an antidepressant and given its ability to assist in sleep patterns, you might consider speaking to someone about adding it to your routine for a while to see if it helps. (It's really cheap too, I promise.)

Drats! Being who I am, I had to research it to make sure I wasn't telling lies. I recently paid about $9.75 for a 90 day supply at the pharmacy in the grocery store and thought I had a great deal. Turns out my prescription coverage is such that I could get it completely free if I'd be willing to let them mail me 30 days/pills at a time. (I'm okay with paying $40 for the first year and then I'll worry about the mail-order switch in 9 mos.) Gah.

So yeah - it can be quite affordable.

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 Post subject: Re: My New Forum!
PostPosted: Wed Jun 20, 2012 10:02 am 
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Ash,

I read your post and called my psychiatrist. She said she'd put me on the lowest dose of 10mg and I said no way. I told her I had a serious problem and wanted a higher dose so yielded to me and prescribed 25mg. Last night, I got EIGHT FULL HOURS OF SLEEP! My anxiety has drastically reduced as a result and my mental alertness has increased drastically! I feel so rejuvenated after just the first night!

Thank you for telling me about it!

Luna

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"I'm loved. I can't forget that or take it for granted. I'm going to be here and be taking advantage of every resource that I can find in Brampton. I WILL heal. The pain will subside. I have a future full of possibilities. I just have to fight tooth and nail to make it there."


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 Post subject: Re: My New Forum!
PostPosted: Fri Jun 22, 2012 11:33 am 
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With three nights of proper sleep under my belt, I finally felt ready to drive. I went out and got two air conditioners: a window unit for the kitchen and a portable unit for the bedroom. The super's husband is going to help me get them from my car to apartment as soon as done as he's done with whatever it is he's doing now.

I also went clothes shopping and, at the suggestion of my new friend Tammy, I bought three feminine tops: two of them red and one black. I usually only wear black but Tammy is coaching me out of my comfort zone.

Tammy and I are also planning a 2k tubing expedition in the Alora Gourd this summer! I would never do something like that alone! It's good to have a new friend. We spent Sunday together and I found two pairs of really pretty and feminine Crocs. One flat strappy sandal pair and one high heeled, open toed, slingback pair. You'd NEVER know they were Crocs! I also bought a gorgeous big potted plant for my balcony with spiky grass in the center and flowers all around. I admire it every time I go out for a cigarette.

Daryl and Eli are coming over for Pizza on Sunday and I'm really looking forward to that. I plan to have my AC units installed by then and show him that I'm capable of doing things without his help now.

Things are looking up now that I'm sleeping properly. Ash, I thank you PROFUSELY for that!

Luna

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"I'm loved. I can't forget that or take it for granted. I'm going to be here and be taking advantage of every resource that I can find in Brampton. I WILL heal. The pain will subside. I have a future full of possibilities. I just have to fight tooth and nail to make it there."


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