Slow down. Breathe!
You can only control your own actions. You have no control over what his ex wife says or does. It's her choice to pick a fight with him, not yours to make for her.
Do you see any of
the Ten Forms of Twisted Thinking in your post?
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1. All-or-nothing thinking - You see things in black-or-white categories. If a situation falls short of perfect, you see it as a total failure.
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2. Overgeneralization - You see a single negative event, such as a romantic rejection or a career reversal, as a never-ending pattern of defeat by using words such as "always" or "never" when you think about it.
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3. Mental Filter - You pick out a single negative detail and dwell on it exclusively, so that your vision of reality becomes darkened, like the drop of ink that discolors a beaker of water.
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6. Magnification - You exaggerate the importance of your problems and shortcomings
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7. Emotional Reasoning - You assume that your negative emotions necessarily reflect the way things really are
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9. Labeling - Labeling is an extreme form of all-or-nothing thinking. Instead of saying "I made a mistake," you attach a negative label to yourself: "I'm a loser."
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10. Personalization and Blame - Personalization comes when you hold yourself personally responsible for an event that isn't entirely under your control.
It might help if you review and reflect on
the Ten Ways to Untwist Your Thinking.